U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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