awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
