did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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