Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
