Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize