Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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