I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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