i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
