So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
