Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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