i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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