girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
