i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
