so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
