I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
