chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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