One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
