just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
