I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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