It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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