My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So apparently I’m into choking now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
