I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
