I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
