If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
