I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize