You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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