is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There was a lot of him and a little penis
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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