i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
