Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
