a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
