I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
jump out the window naked night went bad
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
