you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
