This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
