How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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