I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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