I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
