the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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