Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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