There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
