Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
