C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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