I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
