Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
