And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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