I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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