If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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