the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
barbara walters just said penis...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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