hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
