Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
