i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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