I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
