FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
