If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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