i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
