first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Randomize
