Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
