So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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