We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
