Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
