Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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