So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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