i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
