Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
