glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
