I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
