Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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